@OneLastStranger: Brains are awesome... I wish everyone had one.
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@Brampersandon_: *Guy is rushed in on a stretcher* DR: what happened EMT: we found him passed out & seizing during a shrek marathon DR: WE'VE GOT AN OGREDOSE
@swisherr_tweet: How to be a white girl: 1.) Get a frappuccino from Starbucks 2.) take a picture drinking it 3.) Instagram it 4.) hash tag 'summerrrrrrrrr'
@WilliamAder: By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.