@SideBurny: Bread goes in, toast comes out. EXPLAIN THAT, ATHEISTS!
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@Mr_Kapowski: [fancy restaurant] Wife: How was the bathroom? Me: The bathroom attendant doesn't come in and help when you yell "WIPE" from the stall
@meaculpau27: In Starbucks a woman went sh*t house rat crazy when she got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot she ordered. I'm fine now.
@JermHimselfish: The eyes are the window to the soul which is why I'm throwing pebbles at your face.