@ayyyyloser: Break the ice when sending business emails by being the first to use a poop emoji
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@krisv_723: Oh, you asked if I had a perfect BEACH body. Now I see why you were confused when I said "Yes, I'm round, ripe & covered in fuzz."
@DannyZuker: "I did not expect to encounter so many snakes when I booked this flight!" #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
@JB4Realz: INTERVIEWER: What would you say is your greatest weakness? ME: Well, for starters, I'm unemployed.