@samalmightysam: Breaking: CNN confirms planes need fuel to fly. In other news, scientist confirm brains are not needed to work at CNN.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KThonvold: Pro Tip: You can slap anybody, as hard as you want, as long as you yell "spider" first. They may even thank you.
@JustDontBugMe: [Secret Meeting] God: We need to create something Magical Angel: Yes, Sir G: Call it Unicorn A: *Tries and fails G: Call it rhinoceros
@TheRolo: I almost got ran over by joggers. I saved myself by pretending to be a stop light. I got away while they jogged in place.
@Thynebear: [phone w/ fiancé] Hey, I can still pick whatever suit I like for the wedding right? "As long as its black, why?" *wearing batsuit* No reason