@Tmoney68: BREAKING: DirecTV subscribers lose The Weather Channel over fee dispute. Luckily, subscribers will keep windows, which they can look out of.
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@seanscrap: Hello, Atheist Ghostbusters? Yes? I have a ghost in my bathroom. No, you don’t. Oh, right. Thanks so much! That’s why we’re here.
@Playing_Dad: Wife: Did you pick up the book I asked you to get? Me: Yes Wife: Where did you go? Me: Narnes & Boble Wife: Did you say Barnes & Noble? Me: Maybe
@McGrumpenstein: Garfunkel: There's must be 49 ways to leave a lover Simon: I think it's closer to 50 Garfunkel mumbles angrily: ...49 ways to kill your singing partner
@Reverend_Scott: Ways to tell a woman's mad at you: 1. She's silent. 2. She's yelling. 3. She acts the same. 4. She acts different. 5. She murdered you.