@jwoodham: BREAKING: Girls go to college to get more knowledge. Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider. Boys killed instantly by lack of oxygen.
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@sixfootcandy: You'd think my hair would be a little more cooperative considering how many times I blow it per week.
@curlycomedy: If you watch someone kissing in public for too long you become what's weird about it.
@HatfieldAnne: I used to wonder how anybody could possibly drop a cell phone in the toilet. Used to.
@ingmarbirdman: *bumps into cute girl while typing on calculator* oops! got a bit carried away inventorying my lizards *makes sure she sees the 99999999999*