@CrapLocalNews: Breaking news:
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@sixfootcandy: Me: Throw it back. It's too small. Him: Ma'am, this is your child. Me: Fine. Use him as bait.
@markleggett: We only have world peace today thanks to the tireless efforts of thousands of former beauty queens who didn't give up on their dreams.
@batkaren: [finding a secret passage in my NYC-apartment that leads to a corpse-filled torture dungeon] HOLY SHIT LOOK AT ALL THIS EXTRA SPACE I HAVE!