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@CrapLocalNews: Breaking news:
@Blue_Crab: My BFF asked me to watch her purse while she went to the bathroom.
I asked her what it was going to do.
I'm hilarious. Everyone says so.
@LeonEarlgrey: My name is Leon but some of you know me by my street name, 9th avenue.
@tnylgn: If you're wearing khaki above the waist I'm going to assume you know everything about every animal.
@PaulyPeligroso: Guys, if a girl just wants to "be friends," then borrow $100 from her and never pay her back. Like a "friend" would.