@CrapLocalNews: Breaking news:
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@danagould: The secret to having all of your dreams come true is to keep changing your dreams to something that's just about to happen anyway.
@preritpathak: People on Facebook Nowadays: *Clicks pic while sipping coffee* *Posts as DP with irrelevant caption: Every scar makes me who I am* WTF?
@SteveStockmanTX: The best thing about the Earth is if you poke holes in it oil and gas come out.
@MrsRupertPupkin: My cat tried to knock over my TV this morning. WHY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS FIGHTING?!