@CrapLocalNews: Breaking news:
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@Ameiam: They say money talks, but mine barely gets a chance to introduce itself before it's gone.
@AbbieEvansXO: Hostage: [screaming] Mafia boss: hurry up and tape his mouth! Me: [still trying to find the beginning of the tape on the roll]
@heatherlou_: Planning on buying my daughter a Volvo so she’s safe but with a mismatched door so she gets the struggle.