@CrapLocalNews: Breaking news:
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@briancthayer: *licks the powdered sugar off the donuts and puts them back* Boss: I kinda like these new low-cal donuts. Real moist.
@AlisonAgosti: The word "Caesar" has always bothered me. It looks like a and e are mad at each other.
@sameverlark_: Joe: Hey Barack, why does Trump wanna ban preshredded cheese Barack: Joe please Joe: TO MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN Barack: I swear to God
@Sassafrantz: Me: [opens front facing camera at a funeral and starts crying] "he must've meant a lot to her."