@CrapLocalNews: Breaking news:
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@stephenjmolloy: Mugger: "Hand over your card and give me your PIN number!" Me: "My personal identification number number?" *he stabs me*
@alexisthenedd: trump may have a point about video game violence, ever since skyrim came out i've been climbing to high elevations and shouting bears off of cliffs and i don't think it's a coincidence
@iGreenMonk: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest replied, "I know. I saw your tweet!"
@AnniemuMary: You think you're tired? Try being a child who's been asked to put away their own laundry that's been washed, folded and delivered to their room for them.