@PAT_E_ROCK: BREAKING NEWS: Due to the horrible conditions at Sochi, the Olympics have been moved to a much safer place.. Chernobyl.
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@Kyle_Raney: "I'd like to make a toast." - piece of toast telling her toast husband she wants to start a family
@4handfuls: My kids always seem confident in making decisions until they have to decide which leg to put in their pants first...
@slimmy_shady: Retweet if you're naughty! Star if you love Jesus! Reply if you'd like to meet him!