@PAT_E_ROCK: BREAKING NEWS: Due to the horrible conditions at Sochi, the Olympics have been moved to a much safer place.. Chernobyl.
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@Papa_Mex: Either the dude in the bathroom was having a surprise birth, or he needs to eat a LOT less hay in his diet....
@TriciaLockwood: me: this cat is kissing me on the lips because it LOVES me cat: mother's lips taste perpetually of bacon
@ChrisScarlette: [pizza delivery] Girl: Is there an other way I can pay you? *bites lip* uh HELL YEAH! *pulls out phone* see that RT button?
@trojansauce: HAIRDRESSER: *holding mirror* and the back? DRACULA: *nodding* um.. yeah.. sure.. great thanks