@PAT_E_ROCK: BREAKING NEWS: Due to the horrible conditions at Sochi, the Olympics have been moved to a much safer place.. Chernobyl.
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@TheThryll: Kind of sad that the most fragile men in the world are required by law to become pro wrestling referees.
@ComedicBust: Girlfriend: How old were you when you lost your virginity, 16-17? Me: [remembering having a bowl cut until I was 28] Around there.
@KalvinMacleod: [ice cream parlor] WIFE: I'll have two scoops of vanilla ME: me too, u could say I want an WIFE AND CLERK: please don't ME: ice cream clone