@Dog_Marriage: Breaking news from My dog!! there ar Small animals outside sometimes, but especially Right Now.
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@agathagotstoned: The plane starts going down. I say, "If we die, know that hat is hideous". We all survive. Great Aunt Mildred hasn't spoken to me since.
@KeetPotato: me: "what is a librarian's favourite food?" dog: me: "SHUSHI lmao" dog: [starts putting his toys in suitcase]
@iamporgy: Dad : son ,when I was your age I used to walk 6kms to school Son: oh now I get it Dad: get what? Son: why you didn't make it to university
@Death_Buddy: Optimus Prime: AUTOBOTS, ROLL OUT. Me: *walks downstairs* where the hell is my toaster and microwave?