@StephenKing: Breaking News: Reliable sources reveal that Donald Trump is actually Cthulu. The absurd hairdo isn't absurd at all. It hides the tentacles.
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@longwall26: It's not the most ethical move in the world, but in a pinch you can hand off a cursed object to basically any baby.
@JVarsityCaptain: You know how if a bear is about to attack you, you're supposed to stand totally still? Your smarter friend that's running just punkd you.
@Just_Lee_: The neighbor's dog has barked non stop for three hours. And now I know how the Chinese first discovered that dogs make a tasty snack.
@DanMentos: “Hello, Pizza Hut” Hi, how many slices are on a large pizza? “eight” And a medium? “eight” *long pause* I’d like to speak with your manager