@mrtruthandsoul: Breaking News: Scientists clone a new hybrid cantalope and cauliflower. "We call it the melon-cauli," says Dr. Noah Lot of OMG I'm so sorry
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@lorigonzalez28: If you love someone, poison them a little bit each day. If they don't suspect you at all, they might be the ONE.
@bridger_w: At my funeral, I'd like my family, my closest friends, and a high-pitched squeal no one can locate the source of
@Jenny4ashley: No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
@Brianhopecomedy: I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service it's because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.