@dukelongboard: BREAKING NEWS: Scientists sneak up on Periodic Table, add element of Surprise
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@Dank_Pal: ~Little Mermaid family meeting~ Ariel.... We found this hidden in your top drawer. *places sea cucumber on table*
@chewlongkok_: Me: C'mon, baby. Just the tip? Her: No! Me: Awww, cmon! Her: No, you're paying the whole bill this time.
@KeetPotato: [babies txting] "my dad's thumb just came off" lol wtf 😂 "wait its back on again nvm" ok lmao "he just stole my nose" im phoning the police
@lilgapeach30: Make fun of my footy pajamas if you must, but all you naked sleepers are gonna be up shit creek if your house catches on fire in the night.