@RexHuppke: BREAKING: North Dakota lawmakers decide life begins at conception, and then begins again the moment you're old enough to leave North Dakota
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@rockymomax: [Jesus entering surf contest] Judge: What type of board will you be riding? Jesus: [looks at feet] They're using boards?
@KalvinMacleod: If there's one thing children have taught me it's how to count down from 5 while pretending there's a huge consequence if I ever reach zero.
@retardedwriter: Never understood the desperation behind placing ur order in English at KFC/McD. Heard a guy practicing his order while sanding in the queue.