@jazmasta: BREAKING: Olympic athlete stripped of medal after urine sample shows traces of rubber, which is a band substance
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@VeganZebra: *drinking my first beer with my dad* "I can't believe you made me eat the other ones"
@samalmightysam: • You're born. • You grow up. • You believe in Santa. • You stop believing in Santa. • You look like Santa. • You are Santa. • You die.
@B0niferd: My swimsuit told me to go to the gym today but my sweatpants were like nah girl you're good.