@tastefactory: BREAKING: Polaroid photo taken. More on this story as it develops.
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@shadygeekdad: When I know I've posted a great tweet, I walk away from my phone in slow motion like I'm Jason Statham walking from an explosion.
@CarolinaSong: That awkward moment when you text a pretty girl, "my shirt smells like you" & you misspell shirt
@FatherWithTwins: "Daddy, I was just in the bathroom peeing, nothing else. That's all, so you don't need to look." - my 6yo, not sounding at all suspicious