@Fred_Delicious: BREAKING: Pot calls kettle "black". "Racial tension at boiling point" says mayor of kitchen cupboard
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@jaxxygrant: Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
@Julescoop: The real power of a man... Is the size of the smile on his woman's face sitting next to him.
@RandiLawson: I like to think of myself not so much as a terrible driver, but an awesome stunt woman.
@iGreenMonk: I went for a run in morning but came home after 2 minutes coz I forgot something I forgot that I'm so fat that I can only run for 2 minutes