@Fred_Delicious: BREAKING: Pot calls kettle "black". "Racial tension at boiling point" says mayor of kitchen cupboard
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@Sean_Burgundy_: [1st date] Waiter: Can I get you a drink ma'am ? Me: Wow really bro right in front of me?
@clarkekant: Wondering why we have 50 candidates for Miss America, but only 2 for president. Also, why no swimsuit competition?
@Ygrene: [at the park] SON: dad dad what's that in the sky?! (points at helicopter) ME: (forgetting the word helicopter) that son is……a blenderplane