@LOLGOP: BREAKING: Republicans may oppose President Obama's decision to skip breakfast.
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@Book_Krazy: Good morning babe! Do you like good girls? [Starts making you breakfast] or bad girls [burns the toast] Him: How did you get in my house?
@Playing_Dad: [Heaven] Me: Can I come in? St Peter: *shakes head no* Me: Was it close? St Peter: *rolls out my lifetime internet history* Not really
@murrman5: *walks in house wearing a large neck brace* oh no, what happened? "my earbud cord got caught on a chair while I was walking"
@egg_dog: good prank: sneak into someone's house every night over a year and replace thier toilet with a slightly larger one until it fills tthe room