@causticbob: BREAKING: Swiss Police confirm that, when arrested, all seven FIFA officials threw themselves on the ground and pretended to be injured.
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@KeetPotato: prisoner: "i broke a guy's face in 18 places, what you in for?" [flashback to me stealing a duck from the pond] me: "9/11"
@abbycohenwl: -Houston, do you copy? -Houston, do you copy? -God damn it, Houston! -God damn it, Houston!
@Emonalisha: If you piss me off in the grocery store I will get in line in front of you and pay for a single banana with a personal check