@xysist: Breakups is just a fancy name for what happens when men win arguments.
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@FknVancouver: My dog is so excited about me washing the car that I'm starting to think he borrows it while I'm asleep
@PyrBliss: I've been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
@aRealLiveGhost: to someone with x-ray vision two people making out look like skeletons that are really bad at eating each other
@Philosopherbing: I woke up at 3 am this morning to the sound of my burglar alarm "Time to go out and rob some people!" I said