@xysist: Breakups is just a fancy name for what happens when men win arguments.
@_SetTheHook_: You're the unreachable booger of people.
@conanobrienswyf: All out of clean spoons so I guess I'll just eat this fat free yogurt with my gun.
@Concertina81: I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something.
@aka_fatman: Me: Ugh. Something I ate this morning didn't agree with me.
[Inside my stomach]
Chicken Quesadilla: "The Notebook" was an overrated film.
@mishakey: Most computer problems can be fixed by removing the idiot from the keyboard.