@DaddyJew: Waitress: what will it be? Me: I'll have the rum cake but with the rum on the side W: so u want a glass of rum & a cupcake? M: yes please

@PimpleEye: The road to hell is paved. That's nice.

@CovertAgentP: Hollywood sets impossible standards we can never live up to. Not even once have I saved people from dinosaurs with my knowledge of Unix.

@jayonguitar: When you rob an Ikea store they probably make you put all the money in the bag yourself.

@briangaar: I always carry a pair of shades with me because you never know when you might see a dead body & say something cool