@Jade_VK: Brenda from work unfollowed me on here so now I have to follow her around the office all day reading my tweets like a news broadcaster
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@RobDenBleyker: I think if a little girl wants to grow up and be a Tyrannosaurus Rex that's totally fine, and science shouldn't stop her.
@EliTerry: you can tell the new mad max movie takes place in a lawless post apocalyptic hellscape because not one person used their blinker
@EndhooS: Cop: Are you drunk? Me: Could a drunk person do this? *I just piss my pants* Cop: WOW. Yes actually. Me: That was supposed to be a backflip
@matt___nelson: CHINA: how can we fix our economic problems??? GERMANY: how do we reestablish our engineering reputation??? USA: OH MY GOD RAT WITH A PIZZA