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@ChrisScarlette: *bride and groom kiss*
minister: wow im like right here
@Lexiedeadpool: That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
@tomatopasties: Just joined one of those Ashley Madison type websites. It's called Twitter
@gorrdano: Thanks, I wrote the tweet. There's no need to reiterate it back to me with quotation marks.
@DaddyJew: Sorry I ruined your surprise party by telling everyone it was an intervention
@simoncholland: A few weeks ago my dad decided he was going to order pizza from his iPad. He's almost finished.