@vanluvz1: Bring in 2015 the same way you came into this world. Naked and screaming.
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@phaggots: "Paper or plastic?" Sorry i have a boyfriend "Thats cool, but how should i bag your grocer-" I think we should just be friends
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: would you chop these onions for me ME: sure WIFE: I meant with a knife ME (tightening the belt on my karate robe): aww man
@cstanleyrun: *Sitting at Gate* Airport Wifi- All settled in? Feeling productive? Me- Yep, why? Airport Wifi- Cool, let me just drop ou... *closes laptop*
@Xoolun: A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.