@vanluvz1: Bring in 2015 the same way you came into this world. Naked and screaming.
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@HeatherLuvsYou: A foreign kid asked me how to speak English the other day, so I teached him some.
@elspetheastman: Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: I'M RIPE NOW Avocado: okay you were in the bathroom so I rotted
@TedOfficialPage: Imagine this: you're home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers "Bless you" and hangs up
@TheRealRHB: Just because I reported several women to HR for not washing their hands after using the rest room doesn't mean the camera they found is mine