@Kyle_Lippert: *brings a laser pointer to the Broadway showing of Cats and creates utter mayhem*
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@junejuly12: Apparently "if you must draw your eyebrows on, please draw them evenly" was not the tip this waitress was expecting.
@tsm560: [in bed] Her: Easy, cowboy. I'm not having unprotected sex. Me: No worries! Her: Where are you going? Me: To lock the front door. Her: ...
@carrietini: According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid.