@kwirkyKerri: Brings donuts to work because if I can't be skinny neither can you.
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@Branka_R: My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
@SatansTongue: (First date) Me: Don't let her know you're a satanist Her: So what do you do for fun? Me: ＷＨＡＴＥＶＥＲ ＴＨＥ ＤＡＲＫ ＬＯＲＤ ＣＯＭＭＡＮＤＳ
@Harbinger_one: This mouthbreathing, fat creepy dude at work baked a cake and wrote, "Eat cake if you want to be my girlfriend" on it. I'm so torn right now