@kwirkyKerri: Brings donuts to work because if I can't be skinny neither can you.
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@jergarl: "You're an idiot." -My wife, after frantically looking around after I scream the word "HAY!" while pointing at hay for the millionth time.
@man_spach: The most useful lesson I learned from my cat is if somebody puts clothing on you, just freeze and flop over on your side.
@P1ssed_K1d: You know what a cubicle basically says? It says 'We don't think you're smart enough for an office,but we don't want you to look at anybody.'