@kwirkyKerri: Brings donuts to work because if I can't be skinny neither can you.
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@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "The CAT scan results are in and they have confirmed my suspicions." Me: "Okay, I'm ready." Doctor: "You're not a cat."
@AimeeHelene1: *puts finger over your lips* Shhhhhhhhhhhhh *feeds you more applesauce making airplane noises*
@noog: [aliens talking] "They call it a sel-fee" A photograph of oneself? "Sometimes several" But why? "We have one theory" Go on "They're idiots"
@primawesome: Close your eyes. Picture a world without hunger. Open your eyes. I ate your sandwich.