@kwirkyKerri: Brings donuts to work because if I can't be skinny neither can you.
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@kirthyiyer: The location of a pimple on your body is directly correlated to how much your body hates you.
@AnkCoupleTO: Cute Internet Girl: This guy is pretty funny, I think I'll fol- Me: *Human Cannonballs my way into her living room* HELLO!
@grmonta: I don't know what's more embarrassing, accidentally sending nudes to your boss or getting a pay decrease as a result of your nudes.