@UkeOfEarl1: [Working in a hospital] ME: Well, this guy's autopsy is done NURSE: You mean tonsillectomy ME: Uh oh

@ashmensch: Silent Night, Holy Night, All is calm, CORNDOG FIGHT.

@i_Lean: Studying abroad: Spending months in another country. Studying a broad: Spending months Facebook stalking Ashley.

@BoozeWallet: [walking through park with date] Did u know there's more vitamin C in pine needles than in an orange [blood is just pouring from my mouth]

@Sickayduh: Top Gun (PG) - 1986 A military jet suffers thru two arrogant pilots' bro-speak until finally fighting back, killing one of them - 110 mins