@topaz_kell: And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.

@CSAviate: i’m laughing very hard in real life

@nicfit75: Fact: Children can hear at a higher frequency than adults. How no one has developed an effective child-repellant yet is beyond me.

@Eightinchgoat: Worst things about mid 40's: 1. Catching a view of yourself naked in the mirror. 2. Crying too hard to complete this list.

@chuuew: 911: What's you're emergency? ME: You mean "your"? 911: OK. So..? ME: Someone's murdering me 911: You mean "murdered" ME:.. 911: [dial tone]