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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Brobbits before Hobbits
@Donnie_Fairburn: Women say they like a man in uniform but I've been wearing this naughty nurse outfit all day and not a single woman has approached me yet :(
@Feenohmenal: I'm sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
@_NTFG_: COP: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
ME: "So it wouldn't be windy when we talked."
@MissNaughty1801: Me:what did daddy say when he broke his phone?
7y:can I repeat swear words?
7y: he said nothing then
@DaddyJew: *6 opens piggy bank*
Me: wtf where'd you get all that?
6: mommy said I could take $1 out of your wallet each day bc you'd never know