@OhNoSheTwitnt: Brobbits before Hobbits
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@BlACk__ThRoaT: When I'm home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
@novicefather: [iphone vibrates] 3yo: daddy someone is texting you [landline phone rings] 3yo: what is that sound?
@xLiserx: People who buy copious amounts of everything before a blizzard: Is there nothing in your house every other day of the year?