@aguywithnolife: brought a knife onto a flight just so the security agents would tackle me because sometimes it's just nice to be held.
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@Schmoodles: I can never remember if it's "laying" or "lying." Anyway, I hit a dude with my car and he's doing one of them in the middle of the road. :(
@chadchaines: "I just can't wait to hear the audible gasps of amazement from everyone who enters my house." -Me after spending 6 minutes cleaning