@BuckyIsotope: Brought a ninja to a gunfight and it was really cool. Everyone clapped. Then they shot him.
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@frenchielaboozi: a lady was like "can you believe he's 14 months old already" and i am like you know what i can cause you post a pic of him every single day
@Mikecanrant: I'm not racist. I hate all races equally. Especially the 100 meter dash. All short and Olympickish.
@paulablu22: A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
@KentWGraham: When I awoke from the car accident in a full bodycast, my wife was right at my bedside to let me know that childbirth is still more painful.