@Brianhopecomedy: Brought my 5 year old to the tax office to ensure that the accountant works as quickly as possible.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars Me: That’d wreck the economy 5: I just- Me: Go to your room until you understand inflation
@tigersgoroooar: hate when the barista asks "do you want whipped cream?" it feels there are only two answers: "yes please, i'm fat." or "no thanks, i'm fat."
@TheBoydP: Say what you will about Facebook but when my wife sees posts by my extended family, at least I don’t look so bad.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: I'm not going to drink in 2017 *in hospital 3 days later* Doctor: You have to drink water you idiot