@Thynebear: Bruce Willis is never content with how hard he dies.
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@rachelle_mandik: ME: Hi, come get me. This house is weird and someone is snoring. MOM: Honey, for the last time you're not at a sleepover. You're married.
@Tw1tter_K1tten: My whole life is like when you're talking to someone and your gum falls out of your mouth.