@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is relaxing by his pool. he's got so much sunscreen on that he slowly slides off his lounger, out of the gate & down the road
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@rockymomax: [me as a doctor] ME: *delivers baby* congratulations NEW MOTHER: what is it ME: it's a baby idiot
@AimeeHelene1: Friend: Who's that? Me: Oh...that's crazy Kathy. F: Why do you call her that? Is she funny or something? Me: No. She eats hair.
@Camel_Crushin: Genesis is my favorite rock group who've been around long enough to write a chapter in the bible.
@SteveSuckington: Sure, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but they won't have sex with you either.