@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis on a jetski, being pursued by a pug on a smaller jetski
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@ohpeetie: Cop: "Can you describe the person who robbed you?" Me: "He had on a black shirt and hat with a green apron and charged me $6 for coffee"
@panmidwest: FOOL-PROOF PICKUP LINE: you're tall for a woman [she gets real mad right here] *place hand on hers* but the perfect height for an angel
@shawnries: Cars should have a thing where if you drive around with your blinker on for too long, they explode.