@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis on a jetski, being pursued by a pug on a smaller jetski
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@Brianhopecomedy: Bumped into my Ex again. I should really move her to a different part of the freezer.
@TeaPartyCat: BREAKING: Hillary Clinton concedes election to Donald Trump, saying “I just can’t see how I can win after Scott Baio endorsed Trump.”
@jwoodham: It's almost Christmas, which means it's almost time to hear my parents' new excuses for why Jennifer Lawrence isn't under the tree again.