@OfficiallyIce: Bruh 😭😭😭😭
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@Tmoney68: If really good-looking people are "eye candy" I guess that puts me somewhere around the "eye broccoli" category.
@bobvulfov: MUGGER: give me ur wallet ME: stand back i have mace MUGGER: [sniffing] is this cookies-scented febreze
@Donnie_Fairburn: 911: What's your emergency? Me: I brought a girl home last night 911: That's not an- Me: NOW SHE WON'T LEAVE! *swat team busts down my door*
@BangMyBongo: Good cop: Just relax Moody cop: OMG, you again? I hate you, but I kinda misssed you, why don't you call anymore? You're going to jail