@OfficiallyIce: Bruh 😭😭😭😭
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@Gooooats: Oh, you want to know if I'm a good kisser? *puts cherry stem in mouth* *spits out entire wicker bed and makes out with you on it*
@foodfacenow: *crashes through ceiling into kitchen* Wife:You were doing karate in the attic again weren't you Me:*panting* No *nunchucks hit me in face*
@LOVELADONNIS: Woman on the plane just asked her crying son "are you gonna be a gangsta or a crybaby" I'm like damn are these the only options?
@shariv67: If your phone rings during a movie, answer it "Yes, Mr. President. Right away, sir!" And then run head first through the screen.