@marebytes: Brutally honest? I'm always honest ... I guess the brutality would depend on your level of aversion to the truth
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@MarfSalvador: [Morgue] Cop: Sir, I know it's tough but we need you to ID the body Me looking at corpse: *takes deep breath* Are—are you over 21?
@MarfSalvador: GF: *vomiting in sink* Ugh morning sickness Me: Wait. . . wh-what? GF: I'm pregnant Me: Woah, slow down. Why did you call me sickness?
@TeaPainUSA: Mike Huckabee calls Obama a "pretend Christian", and if anyone's an expert on "pretend Christians", it's Mike Huckabee.