@hell_homer: btw I learned this tonight: DO NOT image search "scrotum" because people only post pictures using a medical name if there's something wrong
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@patrickmarkryan: Two drivers crash into each other. They both finish writing their texts before getting out of their cars to inspect the damage
@clindsaysway: We got a tornado warning, and I'm too scared to open my windows. Don't want any sharks in my house.
@jonnysun: i asked my mom why she was crying and she said because shes choping onions which is sad becuase as a young child she was adopted by onions