@Home_Halfway: Bugs Bunny turns 75 today. Now when he says "What's up, Doc?" he's legitimately concerned.
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@TheBoydP: I'm not saying I spend a lot of time in the restroom, I'm just saying if you walk into my stall you can be charged with home invasion...
@happily_dad: Dear neighbors, I am not killing my child. I'm washing her hair. Only she sees it the other way.
@TheBossyBlonde: If you have never had a friend that you haven't contemplated leaving at a gas station forever I applaud you.
@Sassafrantz: [male bank teller gives my niece a sucker] Me: What do you say? Niece: My aunt's single, do you have money? Me: lol how embarrassing! Do u?