@VodkaDietSoda: The second I sense someone about to ask for a bite of what I'm eating, I immediately shove the whole damn thing in my mouth & look baffled.

@julie2288: Pregnancy tests in movies are so weird... She hands him the test and he stands there holding this stick of pee like it isn't a stick of pee

@man_spach: My car ran out of gas in a trailer park and now I have the most expensive home in the neighborhood.

@SortaBad: *panics during bank robbery* "Uhhhh hi yeah I'd like to put this gun in my safety deposit box"

@jake_lach: I don't punish the dog for eating my unattended food because I do the same thing to other people