@Brianhopecomedy: Bumped into my Ex again. I should really move her to a different part of the freezer.
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@Beerhaze: I wish it were okay for a guy to carry a purse because there is only so much banana bread that I can fit in my wallet.
@DominicStraw: Your password doesn't remember you either. He moved on. He's someone else's password now.
@AristotlesNZ: Me: There's a real fat one on the other team! Her: "My son's not fat!" How you know I was talking about him? "Cuz he's the.." Fat one? "Ya."
@CakeThrottle: Bruce Willis: I hate when people talk during movies, I never do it Director: Yes but we're filming the movie now, do you see the difference