@AndPlayDad: I don't know what the big deal is. Putting my toddler to bed is easy... In fact, just tonight, I did it 25 times.

@sarcasticmommy4: Trying to remember where I hid all of my kids' gifts will be the real Christmas miracle.

@DaddyJew: Cop: you have an outstanding warrant Me: why thank you

@danfishbach: Give a man a fish and chances are you won't be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.

@WheelTod: When I can't afford strobe lighting for my house parties, I just ask everyone to blink in time to the music instead.