@Robert_Beau: My sister thinks macadamia nuts is an STD.

@DJTannerComedy: Anderson Cooper: "the Arizona wildfire is flaming out of control." Arizona Wildfire: "Wow, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black."

@explodingboy_: If I was an origami penguin, where would I hide?

@shutupmikeginn: Someone should make a food app that connects to your bank account and only lists restaurants you can afford, could call it Welp

@Shelts99: I may have hit rock bottom, but the upside of being down here, is I can see up all of your skirts. As you were.