@tastefactory: *bumps into an acquaintance in a world where there's no such thing as weather* Uhhhhhhhhhhh
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@notfaizzy: My right eye has been twitching for over a week! Know what that means, someone's been thinking of me so much they're giving me a stroke!
@BoozeWallet: MOM: always open the door for a lady [later on date] ME: Let me get that for you [reaching under stall door for lock] please stop screaming
@lovemydogduck: I really hate working late. My ride turns into a pumpkin and I always end up losing a shoe.