@ingmarbirdman: *bumps into cute girl while typing on calculator* oops! got a bit carried away inventorying my lizards *makes sure she sees the 99999999999*
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@supertweetjen: The guy two cubes down wears vests, curls his mustache, and never says a word. I always smile politely because maybe he'll spare my life.
@owlcity: If I walk you home and kiss you goodnight, a simple thank you will suffice. None of this calling the cops crap.
@joejwest: "murder" she wrote "your password must contain at least one number and one upper case letter" the screen said "murd3R" she wrote, frowning
@Reverend_Scott: [at Applebees on Christmas] God: Your food good? Jesus: Ya, it- *a crowd of servers surrounds them* Jesus: You didn't... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Y