@iLikeCatShirts: Burger King needs a new slogan. Something like "we clean our bathrooms now."
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@jumpdashark: "I don't think you're ready for this jelly." ~ me talking shit to my peanut butter sandwich.
@joejwest: COP: You seen an escaped evil octopus? ME: No COP: [looks up] Nice chandelier ME: Thanks COP: Why is it wet? ME: Um COP: And holding 8 guns?
@Laser_Cat: Boy, Peter Parker is lucky he was bitten by a spider and not one of those fainting goats.