@causticbob: Burglars broke into Kanye West's home. As a result, 500 statues of Kanye West are missing.
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@13spencer: One time I had a boss who called me while he was in the bathroom, and then he accidentally peed on himself, so sometimes good things happen.
@FancyNancyAnn: I'm at my most gymnastic when I'm trying not to touch the toilet seat, sink and door handle in a public restroom.
@proEXgirlfriend: Telling people to ban same sex marriage cuz of your religion is like telling the supermarket to stop selling junk food cuz you're on a diet.