@causticbob: Burglars broke into Kanye West's home. As a result, 500 statues of Kanye West are missing.
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@_wangwe: Never ask a shepherd how many sheep he owns, I don't think he'd know, he probably falls asleep every time he takes inventory.
@Tbone7219: Thanks for the 27 hashtags describing your pic otherwise I would have never known it's a hamburger
@ProdigyNelson: Her: when you said "magical in bed" this isn't exactly what I was exp- Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card Her: *softly* holy shit
@djdavemichaels: Do bouncers get paid in toothpicks or are they a part of their uniform, or what exactly is the deal here?