@causticbob: Burglars broke into Kanye West's home. As a result, 500 statues of Kanye West are missing.
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@DamienFahey: If Leonardo da Vinci posted the Mona Lisa on Instagram today, it would get 30 likes, tops.
@aka_fatman: "I have a hard time with faces. One time I mistook a wolf for my dead grandmother LOL!" - Little Red Riding Hood, talking to a coat rack.
@_NinJar: A missing 3YO was found inside a bowling alley claw game. After many failed attempts to get him out, police just settled on the turtle doll.
@DancesWithTamis: I'm so bad at making decisions that whenever I hit a yellow light I scream, open my car door and throw myself out