@Papa_Mex: But baby, if you didn't want me climbing in your window, why'd you leave the ladder in the garage behind the workbench chained to the beam?
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@stephenjmolloy: [Pharmacy] Me: I need 50 packets of condoms Pharmacist: Somebody has a busy weekend! *I wink* *cut to me making raincoats for my pet snakes*
@TheMichaelRock: *texting with my mom* Mom: I miss your handsome face! Me: Aww..thanks, mom! I miss you too! Mom: Sorry. Wrong number.
@Sickayduh: "Yeah can I have a triple bacon cheeseburger..." *sees Grim Reaper in passenger seat* *sigh* "and can you put lettuce and tomato on that?"