@LuvPug: But I meant it as a compliment when I said your baby looks like a pug.
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@LeBearGirdle: Wife: [watching the news] oh God, did you see Petsmart got robbed?! Me: [loud barks coming from all 19 pockets of my parachute pants] nope
@Thateverydayguy: Why is there a show called "When Animals Attack"? It should be called "When Stupid People Go Near Dangerous Animals."
@NurseSeymour: There are only two things in this world visible from space. One is the Great Wall of China and the other is my pile of laundry.