@kibblesmith: But if two men get married, they'll BOTH be stupid in detergent commercials and then no one will buy the correct detergent.
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@zachreinert03: I really hope I don't wake up tomorrow morning. I don't want to die, sometime in the afternoon would be nice, or even the next day
@dumbbeezie: When someone tells me they're sick I try to make them feel better with a story about my own sickness that was much worse and many years ago.
@jonnysun: ME: [in santa costume, covered in chimney soot] that was hard. how does santa do it WIFE: well santas not real, hun ME: [drops cookie] WHAT