@fuzzlime: too much pressure deciding when to look at a person walking towards me on the sidewalk
@IRLPepperMD: "This is the police! Put your hands up where I can see 'em!"
"But I can't-"
@OhNoSheTwitnt: What idiot decided to call it a narcotics-sniffing dog instead of a drug lab?
@Jarhead44: Good morning to everyone except people that eat while leaving you a voicemail.
@Fred_Delicious: [2 dogs eating dinner]
"u know Sharon, that life insurance policy u found me is great"
"why does this taste like chocolate"